okay. hello blogger, i missed you! it's really great to see you again in this fucked up mood, oh, how could i be less sarcastic. it's bad. it's even more than bad. it's absolutely disgusting and it hurts me inside i can't even change it.
yes. i know i used to write in polish, but sometimes it's just a better way for me to express myself like that. i can't stand it. i really really really can't stand it. i don't want things to happen exactly how it was before, so i'm kinda... i kinda start to panic? it's freakin hard for me to say that... but i still love you. like a friend, of course. i even don't want to think how bad would it be, if someone from my real close environment found it. it would be exactly like the end of mine. i can't even understand, how i can be such a stupid person. i should have learnt: once a bitch, always a bitch. but why? why don't you just start to treat me right? i have always been here for you, listening to all your tears, smiling, laughing, chilling out... i thought you're my friend. it's hard to hear that directly from me. i used to tell everyone that i don't believe in true friendship as my mum told me. maybe i don't, i can't think right now, my brains is full of depressional thoughts. but i just want to have someone who'll be here for me. treating me right. wanting me to support. is that too much?
propably i read too much. too much crazy, weird and too romantic stuff that's kinda unreal for that speeding world where we live in. are all those people who seemed to think logical with some feelings inside all dead? do i really expect too much for just one single girl? CAN'T YOU JUST BE MY FRIEND? i don't want you to be here where you want. i want you to be here always. not when it's easy and comfortable for you. no. do you think it's easy for me to hear? if you're a friend, you'd give the second person all the best you have. i received nothing. i gave you a place to sleep like thousands of times. i gave you a place to sit, when you forgot your keys. a place to eat, drink. i gave you my arm when your real and true friend dissapointed you. I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING THAT I SIMPLY COULD. and what? and now you really didn't think i am good enough to talk with you. you have better friends. better girls, who you really used to talk about behind their backs. who you used to hate. who we used to hate together, who we used to stand opposite to. and what now? i stand alone. i really wouldn't like to say this: i hate i still treat you like someone who's close. i hate i still want evertything to come back, and i still think it's possible. because who will you talk to, when the summer will really came? to them? they'll be away. i'll be near. it seems like i am the fucking toy for you. only cool and expensive when you can't get the better now. IT REALLY GETS ON MY NERVES and i can't stand it. can't stand it all my world is running round you. and you're nobody. it seems like your ideal. pretty, smart, slim, much money in the pocket. AND YOU'RE NOBODY. i can call you bitch, slut, anybody. you deserve it for this what you did with me. you're not everything that you still want to be. you're slutty one.
YOU REALLY THINK YOU'RE COOL. you starting to call everyone names and bully with your new best friend, cause you think it's allright. it's not. it hurts. you think it's cool to go and jump in the circle of death the concert, cause you're not a true music fan without it. so many decisions you made were so selfish and so stupid. and what hurts the most? you think people will be happy about it, and they are. WHY THEY ARE SO STUPID?
one day i'm gonna leave this town. i swear. i swear i'd find people, who will start to treat me right.
and now? tommorow, i'll go to school be the another noob. cause i'm nobody without you. without your school contacts. without your shine. cause you're a star and i'm your maid. it really seems like since you wanted to feel cool.
and why's all that crazy stuff wrote in the language what i think God wanted me talk in? that's because you posted pics. two pics with your new bestfriend, and your second new best friend posted the crazy pic with you the night before and you reblogged it. you're so happy now, aren't you? so sad that you always wanted me to stay quiet about what we did together. oh my. it seems like i finelly now that talking with me isn't cool enough, so you don't want to show it in public. even nicer.
endo? the worst thing is: i'm gonna wait. i'm gonna wait whose arms will hold you when your new bff breakup will be knockin on your doors.
and now i can cry. my hand looks like it doesn't want its blood. why don't we take it away?